A few weeks ago I had a huge breakthrough in what I will affectionately call my “fear problem.” It involved what Experiencing God author, Henry Blackaby, calls “a crisis of belief.” Mind you, this was not a salvation issue. That Jesus is Messiah or that He is my Savior and Lord was not the deal here.
But I had come to a turning point in which I have been invited to join God in His work in a God-sized assignment and I realized there was absolutely no way I could do it in my own strength. I crumbled. I was paralyzed.
Has this ever happened to you?
One of the hardest things as a Christian is realizing how faithless we really are.
How much do we depend on our own talents and gifts to get us through day to day? How much trust are we willing to place in God?
Apparently, none. At least that was my answer that Monday. And what’s worse is that I absolutely despised myself for being such a wimp! I knew I was being a pansy but I just couldn’t help myself. There was way too much “me” and not enough Jesus.
I was like a pig in muck: I was wallowing in it.
My kids heard me confess faithlessness. There may or may not have been a rant about all that I lack to complete the job.
I believe I even texted my boss and told her she needed to fire me for such doubt in God. Twice. (I think she laughed out loud.)
My husband had to counsel and pray over me. There were some tears. And as we often laughingly say at our house, “The struggle is real!”
Now, I have to give huge props to two praying accountability “pillars,” two dear friends, who kicked my tail out of the pit and directed me back to biblical truth. (And, yes, one of them happens to be my boss!) The crisis lasted two long days and then I was refreshed and ready to drive on.
So I plowed forward in faith.
Interestingly, that breakthrough was followed quickly with a massive spiritual attack that lasted four whole days, replete with sleeplessness, feelings of anger and defeat, and swear words running through my head. I was paranoid, thinking everyone was disappointed in me; I was actually thinking other people’s thoughts for them!
Now, I was praying and I was in God’s Word, but these feelings and thoughts would not go away; they kept me up at night, burning a hole in my brain. I was wondering why God wasn’t saving me from this. Why wasn’t He hearing me?
Why are we tempted, as David was, to ask God why He has forsaken us. We are tempted to ask our Father
“Why are you so far away from saving me; so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent.” (Psalm 22: 1-2, NIV)
When things get serious, do we automatically think God has left us? After spiritual highs like receiving a calling, attending conferences or having great victory, for example, why do spiritual lows come? And why do they have to be SO low?
When I go low, I go to Crazyville.
Except that I’m not Crazy.
You might ask, How is she so sure she’s not Crazy? Because God’s Word says I’m not!
According to 2 Tim. 1:7 , I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.
And just as He had brought pillars along to hold me up during my time of doubt, God brought other great friends along beside me to give wisdom and guidance during my time of attack. SH reminded me that oftentimes when we hear cursing and “junk thoughts” playing through our minds, that can be a sign of the enemy attacking.
We had hired a company to work on our house and who does the Lord send on just the right day? Two Christian brothers that we dearly love! I confided to one of them that I was working through a big spiritual barrier. Like the Israelites at Jericho, there was a giant wall that needed to be broken down. I asked if they would pray as they worked at the house. Sweet A told me, “Of course! I’ll bring the trumpets!”
Another friend and mentor, WW, helped confirm this spiritual attack and when he prayed me through it, the Spirit of God prayed me out of it, giving me a vision of understanding and a feeling of complete release.
It was finished.
I re-learned something that I knew with my head but it migrated down to my heart once again through these experiences with God:
Our God is way more compassionate and loving than the enemy of our souls.
While my personal trial with God lasted only 48 hours, it left me invigorated. The temptation of the enemy lasted twice as long and it could have done me in without the support and prayers of the saints! I might have quit everything right there in the middle of it all.
A little further down in Psalm 22:22 is exactly why David was a man after God’s own heart: “I will declare you name to my brothers; in the congregation I will praise you.”
And so, Dear Friend, I say unto you:
The enemy has been defeated. Declare the name of Jesus and praise Him in the congregation!
In the Comments Box below, tell me about a time when you have experienced a big breakthrough. What did it look like? What or Who influenced you and got you through to the other side? How has this breakthrough changed your life?